Hear me when I say, "You're Beautiful!"
This is not a photography blog - though my understanding of this topic is based on my study of photography and audio/video... this is more an observation than a blog... An observation on how we see ourselves. A chat I had to have with a friend many moons ago that I think might be good for people to hear today.
What you need to hear:
When we all look at you we don't just see your beautiful smile - though it is beautiful...
When we all look at you we don't just see your beautiful eyes - though they are beautiful...
When we all look at you we don't just see a series of parts of you...
We see YOU!
We see all your dreams and hopes and loves and joys and sorrows and frustrations and struggles and passions and all the potential and all the depth and brilliance that is you.
We see ALL of that - all of YOU - IN your beautiful smile and IN your beautiful eyes.
It is all of that beauty in you that gives you that beautiful smile and those beautiful eyes... no one could look into those eyes and not see that beauty...
But...
When YOU look at a reflection or photo of you and at the reflection of your eyes and smile your mind knows that none of that is there in that image... because your mind and your heart know it is all still in you - the real you. YOU can't see it in the photo because you still FEEL it IN YOU - you instinctively KNOW it is not there in that photo or reflection.
WE look at that photo and see an image of YOU, ALL of YOU... the YOU that we know and love... because that is how we always see you - from the outside looking in. Our brain tells us that all of that is there because we know it is in you and our brain sees that image as you - just like it always sees you.
You look at that photo and see nothing.
We look at that photo and see everything.
You look at that photo or in that mirror and see emptiness.
We see you and ALL your beauty - inside and out.
Now the long explanation of why I think this is the way it is - for which I'm sure any psychologist would take me to task:
Though this is about 'seeing', I think we need to start with a little explanation on 'hearing'.
Do you know how when most people hear a recording of their voice they immediately react with something along the lines of "That is not how I sound!" or even "That is awful - do I really sound like that?" That's because when they speak their voice sounds different to them than it does to you and me. The technical reason is that they hear their voice, at least partially, resonated inside themselves as they speak.
Think of it as "mix minus" - an audio term used to describe the process of removing your voice from your speakers when you are in say a video conference so that you don't hear an echo of what you say and get a feedback loop. Effectively, you want everything everyone else says to come out your speakers but you don't want what YOU say to come out your speakers. The system performs a 'mix minus' on the audio to do just that - is subtracts (minus) your voice from the group (mix) of everyone on the conference - BUT still sends your voice to all of them.
So, getting back to your voice and how you hear it, your brain knows to balance the sound within you and the sound you project to make it sound 'normal' to you - so that you don't get an echo or reverb of your own voice.
But we, the world, hear you just fine - we don't need to filter, distort, alter anything because we hear your project voice... crisp and clear - and beautiful.
Now let's move to visual - how you SEE yourself.
When we, the world, look at you we see 'YOU'.
We see you as you are... unfiltered, unaltered...
We see the wonderful, beautiful, amazingly unique YOU that you are.
When you look in a mirror or at a photo YOU are seeing a 'reflected' version of you.
And I don't just mean it is backward!
You see your reflected smile and your eyes but they don't contain that which is you.
They don't contain all the dreams and hopes and loves and joys and sorrows and frustrations and struggles and passions and all the potential and all the depth that is you.
Your eyes and brain have a vision of you that they expect but cannot ever really confirm - you can't ACTUALLY look at you so your brain fills in with assumptions as it feels the need.
Your brain actually does this a lot pretty much all the time for everything you see, hear, taste, touch or interact with in any way - the volume of research on how your brain filters out and fills in is staggering!
What's important to note is that since your brain has created an expectation based on assumptions it has set you up for failure. No matter what you actually see in the mirror it will never be exactly what your brain was expecting - and your brain reacts to, REJECTS, THAT... to the reality that it guessed wrong... NOT to the BEAUTY of what IS - but to the possibility that it was wrong...
But YOU sense that reaction the instant you look in the mirror or at a photo so you learn to ASSOCIATE IT with how you look...
Now, this reaction can range from small to great - but it is typically there to one degree or another. That reaction IS your BRAIN talking directly to you - but basing its assertions on a LIE... on assumptions it made and now must either face up to or reject... and your brain can be stubborn - and persuasive.
It is not your fault - nor is it your brain's fault... it just is. In all likelihood, it reverts to that whole filtering process - it tries to 'correct', cognitively, to reconcile what is with what it believes should be... but now we've crossed into territory where debates shall rage on so let's get back to the topic at hand.
But here's the thing...
We, out here, see YOU.
Not reflected.
Not filtered.
You.
ALL of you...
Not just your smile but YOU...
Not just your eyes but YOU...
And here's the most important thing.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Whether you believe it or not... Whether your brain believes it or not...
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone but me - and my friend... but it is all true...
In the immortal words of Joe Cocker:
You are so beautiful... to me.
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